reasons not to be admitted to the hospital

October 17, 2012 at 12:49 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )

this is one of those posts i started to write one night and then found i needed to give this more thought. except that isn’t really true.  i worry that others are not going to understand what i am trying to say here.

for me there are absolute reasons why i would not choose to be admitted to a hospital.  during this time my so-called mother died.  i didn’t want my sister to think i was judging our mothers’ choice to go to the hospital numerous times. in the past i have said and repeat here that i in no way want to make judgement of those who choose to go into the hospital.  this is my choice, under my circumstances.  we are not all the same and our circumstances are as varied as we are.

there is no reason for me to go for further testing, when i have new problems like the one with my  liver i look into what the diagnosis really means for me.  are there more tests that are going to clarify issues for me? in my case it was clear from the one test what the problem is and that there is nothing to be gained from further testing or seeing a specialist.  my regular dr., dr. salsberry reviewed the test results with me and we agreed that another test or another dr would not make a significant difference.  it was my choice to not see another dr. for my liver.  it was one of those side events to be expected with the heart failure.

unless there is something significant to be gained from further tests, new doctors or a possible hospital stay then i am just not thinking that is an option for me.  there are so many options available from home now that i see little need of a hospital event for me.  this of course is not the best course of action for many patients. it all depends on the condition and what they can gain from a hospital stay.

it is more important for me to be at home.  a bad ending for me would be to die in the hospital.  there are times when pain has played a big part and i have come very close to a visit.  due to my condition we all are aware i would most likely be admitted to the hospital if i were to go in for any reason. there are no cats to cuddle in the hospital, my husband will not share my bed, friends would see me in an environment i would rather not have them see me in.

the main reasons for me are just simply i do not want to end my life in an unfamiliar bed, i don’t want to be poked and prodded,  i want to choose when i am ready to go. i do not want to give up this last choice.  i am a firm believer in death with dignity. i believe this is a choice my husband and i make and he is ready to live with.  i can not think of a better way to end this adventure than kiss my love and go to sleep with him and my kitties at my side.

all the plans have been made, we know what will follow.  the cremation is arranged, the memorial is planned.  the business side of things are long ago planned, wills are done and business papers are signed.

the most important thing to know is chris and i are okay with the decisions we have made.  we have made this about us and not others.  it is about us and not just me.  yes we die alone and yet we can choose to die with love around us.  whatever you choose i hope that you are able to choose what will make your last moments here on earth the best moment yet. it needs to be the best for you and your loved ones.



  1. jmgoyder said,

    I really like the way you and Chris had made decisions and you are prepared because this is brave and sensible on both your parts. Unlike you, I am lucky enough to still have my health however your blog has made me think about how this could change at any second and also I have Ants dying so slowly and tortuously – argh. I bravo you many times over!

    • sbcallahan said,

      julie regardless of age and health a living will is def the way to go. you can direct how much or little is done to keep you alive. talk about control!! we are very lucky to share the same value system and knew we had to make these decisions now rather than under the pressure later.

  2. appletonavenue said,

    I applaud your decision. It would be the same for me. Why incur the cost, both financial and emotional? AS I’ve mentioned, my in-laws are facing end of life decisions, and yet every time Mom has an issue, they rush her to the hospital. I’m assuming my sis-in-law will do the same. It’s the right decision for them, apparently, and I try not to judge. Who knows that I wouldn’t want to cling to every spare moment of life no matter how painful.

    I wish good things for you and yours. I hope that in the end I will face my own destiny with as much courage and grace.

    • sbcallahan said,

      the emotional toll on my family is not one i am willing to let them pay. thank you for your support, do you have a living will? this has brought us all peace of mind. we just have to face these things in our own way.

  3. tersiaburger said,

    I respect your decision. It cannot be easy but you are surrounded by so much love. I wish I could hug you and tell you that it will be okay. You are so brave!

    • sbcallahan said,

      thank you so much tersia! this is not something i advocate, it is my belief we must each come to our own decision. i think of you and your family every day.

  4. maggiebea said,

    This is such an important topic. I applaud the clarity of your decisions about hospitalization. Both you and your family can be grateful for the frank discussions and mutual decision process. Some patients I have seen recently have not been so lucky – or brave, or foresighted.

    Each of us will die someday — soon or late, predicted or by surprise.

    Rushing to the hospital may postpone that event, for some, but it will not prevent it. Unfortunately the hospital is not much prepared for the truth of that.

    Even when the patient’s condition is clearly understood to be irreversibly terminal in a few days, the hospital is not good at providing a restful, peaceful, comfortable environment in which to live out the remaining time. Speaking as someone with a lot of experience as a hospice volunteer, and (more recently) as a hospital chaplain, I wouldn’t choose to end my days in a hospital. There are, of course, some rare situations where important comfort care can only be provided there … but as we learn more about the end of life, we are getting better at providing those things at home.

    As always, wishing you plenty of love, light and laughter on your journey

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