a couple of months ago I joined a page on Facebook for sharing what people are thinking about adding to their bucket list. most of the ideas certainly sound like things to look forward to. some plans inspired a bit of reminiscing, thinking how our trip to Ireland was everything I had hoped for and more. from the smallest adventure to the ones I never dreamed possible. it hasn’t been that long ago that just being, seemed unattainable. now sitting here, sharing my thoughts, listening to the quiet it has occurred to me that this is my bucket list.
here are a few things that will NOT be on my bucket list: I will never appear/compete on a reality show. watching Survivor in the past it has nigled at me that maybe, just maybe I could be picked and of course my strategy has been honed over the years as a spectator. Big Brother and Amazing Race are also out. there can be no denying that competing in a challenge that would cause actual discomfort is no longer appealing to me. Chris has watched with me and it was decided that anything requiring jumping or sliding from heights over 3 ft. would be for me.
there will not be anymore jumping from planes, falling off cliffs, or pretty much anything that requires jumping or sliding from heights over 3 ft. just about any activity that would put my life at risk is out of the question now. that seems odd, it isn’t a fear. it does seem ungrateful now to waste whatever time I have left. this does not mean I stay on a shelf although those opportunities don’t come as often as they once did.
losing weight is no longer on my list, along with “getting in shape” and learning to belly dance. there is a certain freedom with this new Not a Bucket List. there are certain beauty extras that I will not give up until the very end. while the average person my age is planning their retirement in the next 10 yrs I am planning to die without grey roots.
retirement is a monumental bucket list item. a lot of people make all their plans for after the big R day. one friend has been counting down the days to her last day. she is the kind of person who has many hobbies and will not run out of activities for years to come. there is another thing I will not add to my BL, becoming a “crafty” person is not going to happen. there will not be hand knitted scarves, booties or whatever people knit. seeing handmade quilts led me to dream of making a quilt someday and now the sad reality is it has no real appeal.
learning a new foreign language is out as is becoming an artist. of course the language is doable but the need for it or a way to practice is not readily available. becoming a basketball player is not very probable, serving on a jury and pursuing another degree. the basket ball player was never on the list, however, common events such as serving on jury duty are now behind me.
we all reach that point where we know some dreams are not going to manifest itself. women reach a certain age and know that having a baby is not too likely. it is a joy to be passed that stage in life. now is the time for grand-children. watching them grow and making memories with them is on my BL. if given much thought there are still countless adventures ahead of me. next week we head to Charleston and spend time with much-loved family. each day is my Bucket List. each day it is my desire to live life to the fullest. each day it is my goal to be present in each moment.
Davey Jones died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 66. how did this happen? although The Monkeys were popular when I was early teens they were not my favorite. I hope it was sudden and he had done the things in life that he wanted to do.
one of the reasons I want to de-activate my defibrillator is to give myself the opportunity to go suddenly if that is what is supposed to happen. with the defib that can’t happen, it will try to jolt my heart back into action even if my heart is ready to quite. there are other reasons but I don’t think it would bring any comfort to those I love to discuss it here. what I would hope is you know that I have not made any decisions without fully weighing the pros and cons. this has not been an emotional response to my condition. be assured that any choice made by me has been given much thought.
recently I joined a page on facebook that gives an opportunity to talk about your bucket list and to see what other people are hoping to do. it has been a joy to read some of their comments. this weekend I posed the question “if you knew you only had a year to live what would change on your list?” (keep in mind they do not know my situation) and the answers had some commonalities. the major thing in common was spend more time with family, one was to beat down the door of a relative who had not been in their life for years. many wanted to travel, there was one getting a tatoo. my question would be why would you wait to make these changes?
since they do not know my situation someone asked me what would be on my list. I will give some acceptable response as this seems the best way to behave. in truth there is nothing profound on my list. the reason for this? my life has been my bucket list. there are few things left undone and what I work on now is more day-to-day plans rather than plans to be completed at some future date. over the years I have traveled to most of the places I have wanted to see and some I had never dreamed possible. the whole idea of a bucket list fascinates me. not sure I totally understand the concept, is it a list for when you retire? is it something younger adults make and try to do these things? technically it means “before you kick the bucket” and that can mean different things to different people. if you think you are going to live , not forever, to an advanced age it makes sense to save things to do during those retirement years. my dad retired and had made plans to go to canada, to visit family and travel some more. sounds good? of course, unfortunately he died before getting on the road. would he have done this sooner if he had known?
maybe knowing your on borrowed time is an advantage. over the past few years I have often wondered if it is a blessing or a curse to know. for me it is a blessing. to be able to say the things that need to be said, to get things in order so those I love are not left wondering what needs to be done. hopefully enough has been done to allow chris to take a breath before dealing with the next part of his life that won’t include me.