I am not sure what happened to this page, obviously I have a lot to learn about doing this blogging thing. when I first started I wrote some short post about me and who I am. since I was looking for this post to change it anyway I guess it works out well after all. it still comes back to telling about me and not knowing for sure what I can say about me. when I was just starting in my vocation of psychotherapist one of the first things I would ask a potential pt. was to tell me who they are, not what role they play in the life of others but who they truly are. it was a difficult task for most and now I am more aware than ever just how the mind strains to define who we are without telling how we relate to those around us. maybe it wasn’t the best question to start with but that is hindsight for you. one of my favorite songs lately is sung by jeff bridges and one line in particular says “I used to be somebody but now I am somebody else.” well that would be me.
it may be a cultural thing but I am not going to make excuses here, I am not so sure I can answer my own question. so let me start by saying why I started doing this blog. in february of 08 my husband and I were moving about 20 miles to be closer to my job. for most people this would not seem like a dream job but it was for me, I was the supervisor for the forensic units at the state hospital. every day was new and challenging. yes there was the occasional murderer sitting in the office across from me talking about how they had performed the act and where they go from that point on with the rest of their life. prior to this I had been the clinical director of an agency in california, loved that job! before that I was a nurse in the army, loved that job too! in between I raised a son, met and married the love of my life. there were a few jobs not so loved and a few toads along the way. back to 08, I had a heart attack during the move. yes I knew it was and since it did not kill me I decided not to worry my husband who was stressed with the moving. come monday I took an extra day off but returned to work on Tuesday. about a month later while walking from one unit to the other I thought I was going to have to lay down on the ground so decided to go to the walk-in clinic on my lunch break. the dr. came in and ordered an ekg, when he came in the second time I knew there was big trouble in little china. bottom line I have congestive heart failure that turned in to multi-system failure and a stay with the icu staff at the local hospital. afterward I was given a year at best to live and could not return to work. so here I am relatively young and just loving my life. yes if you read my blog you will see I really do love my life. stuff happens and as they say this is the hand I have been dealt. if you read my blog you will understand how rich my life is and I would not change a thing if something else would have to change also. we are exactly where we are supposed to be at any given moment and this is where I am supposed to be right now.